“As a champion of the poor and the most vulnerable among us, he carries forth the message of love and compassion that has inspired the world for more than 2,000 years — that in each other we see the face of God, As the first pope from the Americas,” the president added, “his selection also speaks to the strength and vitality of a region that is increasingly shaping our world, and alongside millions of Hispanic Americans, those of us in the United States share the joy of this historic day.” - President Obama on the election of the new pope, Jorge Mario Bergoglio.

But this man, at age 76, seems to yet another "transitional" pope that Pope Benedict was. 

Pope John Paul II was at the age of 58 when elected. And when it comes to popes, he was by far the most modern and willing to bring the Church into a new age. He was also the second youngest pope to ever be elected. 

His rule was progressive but marked (As was Pope Benedict) with accounts of priests abusive young children. 

To be honest, I was hopeful for a younger Pope like John Paul II in order to lead the church in more modern times and crack down on the abusers of the Church. But with the new older pope who is very conservative I doubt that will happen. 

I am very proud that this is the first pope elected in over 1,000 years that has been from the America's, I am still disheartened that this pope insists to try and carry on the ways of the past, rather than forging on with progressive ideas that John Paul II did. 

He has spoken out publicly against gay marriage and the rights of Gay people to adopt. 

I cannot help that he will also be in agreement that any form of contraception is wrong, such as his predecessor still believed. Only after intense pressure did Pope Benedict finally agree that condoms were okay if you knew your partner was HIV+. 

This pope, I fear, will bring no new ideas into the church but will push his own very conservative ideals among his followers, thus alienating the majority of his followers

Hopefully the next time the cardinals will not just simply choose an easy choice and listen to the voice of their desperate-for-change believers.     

If you don’t want to love me, someone else will. I am tired of loving you and you not even wanting to speak to me. So I am going to stop. You were told by people better than me that you need to forget me. So I will finally move on. I will forget you because I can’t do it anymore. I can no longer afford to love you. It costs too much. 

Fuck You

You are a mistake.
That I will never repeat.
You are a mistake,
That I regret dearly.

Did any of those girls love you
Like I did?
Did any of them pay any attention to you
At all?

Was it worth it?
In the end?
Maybe one of those girls will take pity  on you.
Maybe one of them will show you some affection.

But will it be like me?
I doubt it.
Because no one will love you like me.
Because no one will let you hurt them, like me.

I am moving on as we speak.
With nothing left to gain.
Nothing left to lose.
And as I walk away, I easily forget the pain.

Because the pain I feel,
You are not worthy of.
The pain I feel
Is not worthy to be called love

It is lust on a steroid
It is as easily forgotten
As it was remembered

So tell that to your new girlfriend
if she can understand
the pain that one woman felt
and trying to just be her "friend"

So fuck you
And the white horse you rode on
Fuck you
Cause I am done letting you stomp o
me.

French-Mali Alliance

I am not knocking the French for agreeing to send troops to help with the Mali Conflict, I just want to examine the reason why France has decided to become involved.

For those of you who may not be familiar with the countries of Africa, Mali is a small land-locked country in Western Africa, also known as the Ivory Coast. Mali was also a colony of France's for a very long time.

So I can't help but think the reason why France has agreed to aid the country is France's way of sating, "Sorry our Imperialistic attitudes during the entire 20th century was really just de facto slavery. Our bad". Only they would be saying this in French, so it would sound prettier at least.

I know that the Mali conflict is complicated, and my explanation as to why a country that is known for NOT supporting conflicts would agree to send troops over is rather simplistic, but I think I make a valid case. The national language of Mali, like many countries in the Ivory Coast is still French. Why? Because of 20th century Imperialism.

Just remember kids, every bad thing that is happening ion the world today, can pretty much be blamed on Imperialism.

The revolving door

I have warned myself about this so many times over the past year that I long ago stopped keeping count. I told myself not to be hopeful. I told myself not to look into anything. All of the adorable things that you, I should just ignore them. I shouldn't fool myself into thinking that you do those things just for me. You are simply an adorable creature, so I should not fool myself into thinking that it’s a characteristic trail reserved only for me.

                And I miss you. When we don’t talk, I miss you. When you do not see me, I miss you. When you tell me that we should only be friends, I miss you.

                How can we though? How can we honestly just be friends? After everything that we have been through? After all of the tears, and the fights, and the kisses, and the making love, and the screaming, how can we be just friends?

                I should have known better. I should have known that you would do it again. Let’s face it, when it comes to you, my heart is a revolving door. You have unlimited visits and can come and go as you please. Every time I try to lock it, you show up again, and I freely give you the key to unlock the door again.

                I wish I knew how to stop. I wish I knew how to let you go. I wish I could expel the ghost of you that surrounds me every hour of every day.      

Relevance of Education Today

In school they tell you to follow your dream. They tell you that whatever you can imagine, you can achieve. They spoon-feed bullshit ideals of “going for what you want”. I, along with every one of my classmates was told that if we wanted, we could be the President of the United States of America. Let’s think about this logically, my class had a little over 1,000 students graduate the year that I did. So I was taught, along with a little over 999 students, that we could be president.

The state that I went to school in from K-12 grade is Georgia. To this day we have only ever had one president (and an unsuccessful one at that) that hailed from Georgia. Jimmy Carter, a one term president. So the odds that I, or any of the thousand people I went to school with is slim.

But that is not what they tell you. They don’t tell you that even if you are motivated, get good grades, go to college, and even further your education that you can be what you want to be. This is the predicament of my generation. We are the most educated, un-experienced, entitled generation this country has ever seen. I did the whole thing of getting through high school and going to college, and finishing college, and now I am looking around saying, what’s next? I did what was expected of me. I go for a job, and they want someone who has completed graduate school. I get into grad school; go for an interview and I don’t have enough experience. I go and try and get experience and I am either under-educated or too educated. This is the plight that many of my generation is facing.

My father did not even finish high school and joined the army. He joined the army in 1966 when he was 17 years of age. He was inducted with parental consent. My father will give you a very formal title for what he did in the army, but all he mainly did was drive around very important people from one place to another. When he was discharged from the army he went into sales for a tire company. He was really good at this so his talent was recognized by more important people. Flash forward a few years and he is in sales for the poultry business. Instead of selling tires he is selling conveyer belts and machines that are worth thousands of dollars. Flash forward a few years from there, and he is a project engineer for one of the largest poultry companies where he deals with millions of dollars at a time.

He did all of this without ever stepping foot into a university. He makes over $100,000 a year and has no degree; he has many certificates, but no degree. What does he have that you or I do not? Is it some level of talent that no one else can ever possess? Is it some magical formula? Is it simply luck?

It is none of the above. The cold hard truth is the fact that my father lived in a time where companies saw the potential of a prospective employee, and not just what could be proven on paper. The company did not care what schools you went to, or the highest level you completed, they cared about the person. What they thought the person could achieve with the right guidance. Trust me, I have known many graduates that could not solve an addition problem without the use of their hands. And then you have people like my father, who never went to a “higher education” learning center that could run circles around other “graduates”.

This leads me back to what I stated earlier. My generation is the generation that was taught that they could do anything. Be anyone. I am a struggling writer with many years of college underneath my belt and I cannot seem to make a dime. Why? Because it is 2013. Talent is of no importance. Training… it’s non-existent. All I am is what I can prove on paper. There is no section for potential. There is no section for talent. I read a Newsweek article that my generation is the most disadvantaged generation since the “silent generation”. (That being the generation that came of age during the Great Depression”.)

Since when did talent become something that could be measured by a degree? Remember that Einstein worked as a clerk while developing his ground breaking theories of relativity. William Shakespeare had only an eighth grade education. Many famous women, Emily Dickenson and Louisa May Alcott to name a couple, had only an education that was afforded women at that time, which was not much considering the era.

Yet we hold these people as geniuses because we recognize talent, not education, but talent. Just look at me: I have had a lifetime of education, but my talent is questionable at best.          

The Bartender Mommy

I went into a small town honky-tonk bar today to see what I could observe. The first thing that struck my eyes was the fact that I was the only female patron in the place. The only other woman was the bartender. She was blond, about 5”5’ and wore between a size 2 or 4 dress. The other thing I noticed about her was the fact that she had on such a small dress that she indeed had to wear shorts underneath said dress.

At one point she delivered a shot to another much older man who was a patron at the bar. After the bartender, who I learned was named Tori, delivered the shot he went to hug her. She only gave a side-ways hug, but I noticed he took this opportunity to grab her buttocks. My interest was piqued. I couldn’t help but wonder about the man who would do such a thing, and the bartender that would allow such things. So I asked questions.

I found out that the bartender’s name was Tori. I found out that she had a three year-old son and was still with the father of her child. They had been a monogamous relationship since before their son was born. I asked her about the man who grabbed her, she said, “I know the man. He comes in here a lot and I know he is harmless. But if he ever crossed the line I would not let it.”

So what was the line? What line could be crossed? She Said, “You just know. It is hard to explain but once a line is crossed you know it. Then I would have no problem kicking a man out, or simply kicking him.”

Tori has been a bartender for six years. So for six years she has become accustomed to the “hands on” approach that many men take with her. She has had to realize in that for six years she is a fantasy, an object that other men use for their own purposes. She has a son to support. Bills to pay. And she does what she can. I found out through asking her questions that she only has a high school education. Whether or not she graduated, I don’t know. But high school was the most advanced education she had.

But she shows up to work, every day, and let men look, touch, and push the boundaries. She shows up with dresses that are so short that any mystery of her womanhood is no longer much of a mystery. When I asked her if she felt like she was being objectified in any way she said no. Her point was that almost every woman puts on make-up, does her hair, and wear clothes that help accentuate her accents.

I had a chance to ask to the man who was “grabby” toward Tori how he felt. His point was he has been married for 32 years and in those 32 years had never been unfaithful. He said that “Tori was a good girl and if he ever crossed the line she would let you know.” He explained to me that all he did was just in good fun. It was him just “playing” around with her.

But what does that mean? Does that mean that I can go up to a man and start grabbing him and claim that it is nothing but “in good fun?”

Tori acts and dresses in a way that will help ensure her salary. She is a bartender that lives off of tips so dressing in barely there dresses and flirting with men who are old, young, well-groomed, or simply skanky, it doesn't matter. It is how she lives.

So I imagine, at the end of the day she undresses from her work “uniform” takes a shower to get the drunkard man hands off of her, and puts on a comfortable t-shirt and sweat pants. This is when she goes from a woman sex-goddess to mother. And this is the time when she can forget about how she is viewed, forget about the men who drool over her, forget about the role of the flirt that she must play, and simply becomes “mommy”.   

The Degradation of the English Language

Jay Walker gave a lecture that can be found on Ted.com about English mania, the need for people of other countries to learn English. Why? Because English is a language of opportunity and of problem solving. English has become the language of the world. China has now become the largest English speaking nation in the world. That is because every Chinese person is required by law to begin English lessons in the third grade. And in a few years, India will become the second largest English speaking nation in the world. That will put the United States of America at number three.

                After the end of WW2, there were two super powers in the world, the U.S.A., and the Soviet Union. We all know that the Soviet eventually fell making the U.S. the world super-power. Perhaps if the dominoes had fallen a different way, the world would feel the need to learn Russian, but it did not. So after WW2 when Europe was a mess and the Cold War started between the Soviet Union and America, there could only be one winner. America was it. In 1989 the Berlin wall fell, the weakening of the Soviet Union was apparent to everyone. America emerged victorious in a make believe war. Which is why English, not Russian, is taught abroad world-wide.

                But what form of English is being taught? In China there is a nationwide test known as the Gaokao that determines the fate of every Chinese citizen. It determines whether or not a student can go on to higher education, or if they will be reduced to only learning one trade. And 25% of that test is based on the understanding of English.

                Which begs the question of how an American citizen would score on the English section of the Gaokao? However there is no data on such a comparison, mainly because the SAT’s focuses on a different aspect of English than the Gaokao.

                So what about the average English speaking citizen? China is taught the most formal of English so they can succeed in market that is still English based. But one cannot help but wonder what the future of English is when looking at any Social Media website. When such words as “dis” and “dat” are being used. When it is obvious that the average American does not know the difference between “than” and “then”. And the proper way to use “to”, “too”, and “two” are beyond most American high school student’s grasp.

                Words have power. It is evident throughout history. Words have had the ability to inspire people to rise above tyranny and take action against oppressors. It was words that was penned down in the Declaration of Independence that stated, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all man are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.” Thomas Jefferson penned these words with the understanding of what words had the power to do.

                The powers of words do not end there. Revolutions in Tunisia, Egypt, and Libya have also started because of words. Only this time the words were not put on hemp paper and sent overseas, but rather on the internet. Words can build up, and destroy. Words are the true power behind any revolution.

                Which is why I wonder, why this country insists on reducing the words that helped give birth to this nation? Why Americans would allow themselves to cheapen and degrade the very language that helped give birth to the freedoms we have today.

                The Gaokao test makes sure that the Chinese understand the importance of words. Only they distort them, and make our English words as tools for the submission of the people to their government. Without even realizing that it was the English words that was used to rebel against a government, and insist on freedom. Our language has been perverted. And instead of a country standing up against the perversion, we are simply sitting by and causing the perversion ourselves.              

  

Monsters Inside of Us

Small children fear the unknown world that lives in the dark. Every shadow, every noise, every trick of the light can make a child tremble in fear during the night. To a small child, danger lurks in every corner after they are tucked in bed and the lights go out. Monsters are real, and they are just waiting for an opportunity to devour them. They are hideous, snarling beasts with soulless eyes and mangled fangs that hide in the corners of the dark room. So they arm themselves with teddy-bears and nightlights and they brave the night entrusting their lives to those fierce warriors.

   Then the children grow up. They become adults and the teddy-bears and nightlights are no longer used. Their protection is no longer needed so they are thrown out, or boxed up and left behind. But the terrors of the night are still there for many of the people. One fear simply replaces the other. And teddy-bears and nightlights are useless against these new fears.

                It is in the night that our minds come alive with thoughts that can make a grown person fear the night again again, as if they were small children once more: What am I doing in this life? Where am I going? What if this is as good as it gets? What if this is the peak of my existence? Have I missed my true calling? What am I going to do? Should I throw caution to the wind and do what I always wanted to do? What if I am not good enough? What if I will be rejected? Why did I do what I did? Why did I not do what I wanted to do? Will this mistake or that mistake continue to define the course of my life? Will I ever be forgiven? Will anyone ever love me? Will I sleep alone for the rest of my life? Will I always feel alone?

                Thoughts that make our mind race and makes sleep elude us night after night. Thoughts that make people pray for the sun to show his rays again and the daily distractions to once again make them forget the nightly fears for at least a few hours. So they go about their routine until it is time to go home again. Then they distract themselves with celebrity gossip, reality television, the internet, and all the pictures of cats that can now be found on all the social networking sites.  

                    But the inevitable happens again, the time comes when the computers and televisions get turned off, the covers of our beds get pulled down and the lights go out. Many people have decided to obtain a new arsenal to use against the night. And the pharmaceutical companies are making a killing by selling drugs to drown out the fears of night. They are the adult teddy-bears and nightlights to use against the dangers of the dark.

                Because the dangers are still there. The shadows that lurked in the dark are now shadows that lurk in their own conscience. The strange bumps in the night are replaced by the scary noises that fill their minds. And the monsters that they knew were real when they were small children are still real. But the fear of them hiding in the closet, or huddled under your bed is gone. The monsters live inside our minds. And the monsters are not the big, scary, snarling, tangible beasts imagined in childhood. The monsters are the unhappiness, the self-doubt, the insecurities, and the regrets that live inside of us.     

The Help: And How it taught me About Myself

                The movie The Help has been out on DVD for quite some time and I hate to admit that I only just recently saw it. Despite the negative reviews I had read about the movie I enjoyed it. My sister recommended it to me and it lead to some very interesting discussions. Especially because my sister let her eight year-old son watch it. Alie, my sister, said she felt it was important for him to see the movie.

                For those of you who don’t know, The Help is about the Jim Crow laws and how African-Americans were mistreated by their employers. It is set in Jackson Mississippi in the 1960’s. In the movie issues such as separate bathrooms are discussed as well as many of the other Jim Crow laws. At one point in the movie Viola Davis’s character talks about how her cousin’s car was blown up because they registered to vote.

                When my nephew saw the film the one thing that blew his mind was the fact that they didn’t want black people to use the same bathrooms. Alie told him that people believed that black people carried different diseases and that people were really mean to them. My nephew, in his brilliance, replied, “People back then were stupid!” (Out of the mouths of babes…)

                Then came the hard part for my sister, she told him that even though the movie was set in Mississippi, it used to be that way in Georgia as well. We (at this point I was involved in the conversation as well) explained to him that there was a time when a black person and a white person were not allowed to go to the same school, to drink out of the same water faucet, to go to the same bathrooms, or even sit together at a restaurant.  He had learned about Martin Luther King Jr. in school and knew some things, but he didn’t know it happened where he was living, and he didn’t know it was that bad. (And to think, at this young age he barely knows about slavery and knows nothing about lynching’s, the KKK, and so forth.) He ended the conversation saying that he was glad that people were smarter now.

                And this is when the conversation about southern guilt began between my sister and I. To my nephew, the time of Jim Crow laws might as well have been a hundred years ago. (He is after all eight so the 1960’s to him is ancient history) However, Alie and I grew up with only one generation separating us from the era of Jim Crow laws. So we grew up with people who still held certain ignorant beliefs.

I remember as a small child telling my grandfather about what I had learned in school about Martin Luther King Jr. Just as my nephew told me what he had learned in school about the man. The difference between my nephew and I is that I told my nephew that MLK Jr. was a great man who fought for what he believed in, and did it peacefully. I told him that there was a reason that the man had his very own holiday; it was because he was a hero. When I tried to tell my grandfather about the same man, I was told about how the man was a communist. My grandfather would tell me how when MLK Jr. was put in jail for protesting, that he would be released in secret out of the back doors. It was all for show. When I asked my mother about this she simply told me, “Your granddad grew up in a different time. Don’t listen to EVERYTHING he says. And don’t repeat any of it at school.” She then explained to me that whenever my granddad talked about anybody that was black that I should just ignore him. I now know why she did that.

I honestly do not remember the first time I heard the word “nigger”. To me it’s like asking the first time I heard the word “spoon”. It was a word I grew up hearing. And again, my mother was there telling me it was a bad word, like the word “shit”, and I should never repeat it. When I was old enough to ask why some members of my family still used that word, despite how it was really mean toward black people, I was told something I will never forget. I was told by a family member (someone other than my grandfather) that a “nigger” was just a worthless person. That you could be black, white, Hispanic, Asian, or anything else. It was not a racial slur, just an adjective. But one thing I could not get over was the fact that I had never heard anyone in my family call anyone else that word, except a black person.

All of this was talked about between my sister and I. How we had shielded her children from the racism we grew up with. Alie even admitted that whenever she passed black people she felt the need to smile and wave at them, to let them know that she wasn’t a racist. And I laughed because I admitted I did the same thing. Then I asked if that was racist? Alie told me to shut the hell up that she didn’t want to think that deeply into it.

But one thing my sister and I learned was that my nephew was not racist. And unlike her and me, he didn’t have to be taught not to be a racist. And the thing that touched my sister and I the most, was the fact that he wouldn’t ever have to be taught not to think ignorantly about other people. The fact that he is one more generation removed from hate, from bigotry, from lies, gave us hope.

If you are someone from the north, or the west of the U.S. you will look at it differently than Alie and me. We, being born in the 80’s, still grew up with ignorance and prejudice that people from outside of the south cannot understand. But it’s disappearing. And the fact that I had to be taught how not to be racist, and my nephew is learning what racism is because he doesn’t know it naturally, it truly is a beautiful thing.    

The Eyes of God

As a child I went to church. I went to church to learn of this being called “God”. I was taught that he was always there and always watching.

As a child I imagined him to be a man, a man that looked like my dad.

After all, he was called “Father.”

As a small child the Eyes of God was like a man’s.

As I grew older God was a being I thought was distant.

Somewhere in the galaxies and in the stars.

Being indifferent to the cries and pleas of man

I gave no thought of him

He gave no thought of me

In college I saw a picture of the Helix Nebula

As a young woman I thought that was the Eyes of God

More time passed and I became a woman.

I saw a child breath his first breath.

I believed for the first time in love at first sight.

The child’s eyes were big and black.

There was a light in him that that was pure innocence.

His eyes were the Eyes of God.

I then realized that the Eyes of God are everywhere.

In my mother, my father, my friends and my enemies.

They are in the fly caught in a spider web, and in the eyes of the spider about to devour it.

The problem with the Eyes of God is not that they are blind to man,

But that man is blind to the Eyes of God.